Chapter 50: Fond Beyond Measure

Dugu Yi was already sitting up on the bed. His eyes were still red from weeping, making him look even more poignant and helpless as he sat there.

In her own space, an ordinary man crying would appear utterly disheveled; even an exceptionally handsome man in tears would be perceived as effeminate. Yet, this man before her, quietly shedding tears while trying to put on a brave front, stirred an overwhelming sense of deep pity no matter how one looked at it.

Gu Xinyao gazed at Dugu Yi, who sat with his head bowed, experiencing a tempest of conflicting emotions. She had no idea what he wanted to say by calling her back. Was he going to ask her to stay, or tell her to vanish quickly and never appear before his eyes again?

A bitter taste lingered on the corners of her lips. If it was the latter, she feared she would break down in tears as well. She was merely an ordinary woman; in her own world, she had stubbornly lived alone for more than a decade, and the hardships she endured could hardly be encapsulated in a couple of sentences. Logically, she should have envied his privileged life—even if unloved by his parents, he was still an aristocrat, and whatever he did would undoubtedly be much easier than for an ordinary person. Yet, she simply could not bring herself to envy or hate him.

She admitted that initially, she had been captivated by his appearance, but countless encounters and intersections had led her to genuinely fall in love with this resilient man in a world where women were revered and men held lower status. He was undoubtedly an anomaly in this matriarchal society.

She could not bear to rush him, yet she had to remind him that their current situation did not allow for prolonged hesitation: "Just say whatever is on your mind directly. If we delay any longer, I'm afraid Mother—no, I'm afraid your mother will come looking for us."

As soon as her words fell, he lifted his head abruptly, tears shimmering in his eyes.

"You—are you planning to abandon me, is that it?" He bit his lip, holding back the tears brimming in his eyes, and asked softly.

Gu Xinyao furrowed her brow suddenly, unable to fathom how he had jumped to such a conclusion. Far from abandoning him, she merely felt a sense of guilt toward him. If he was unwilling to be with her, she would let him go. Loving someone did not necessarily mean possessing them; perhaps losing him would cause unbearable agony, but if leaving her meant he could live a happy and joyful life, she would find happiness in that as well.

"No, I haven't! I just thought that my previous erratic behavior made you ignore me because you were angry, because you felt unhappy being with me. I am not abandoning you, truly!" Gu Xinyao stepped forward impulsively by two paces, then, feeling it was perhaps inappropriate, stopped in her tracks.

Dugu Yi's tears finally fell. He felt as though he had never been so fragile and prone to crying before, yet for some reason, he simply wanted to weep. Hadn't he always been strong? He had always proven to others that he was strong and indestructible. Only with her—with her by his side—did he allow himself to be weak.

"I know you're afraid of making me sad, which is why you refuse to speak the plain truth. I know that perhaps I am no longer a pure person, so even if you apologize to me, it's merely out of pity. I'm not angry; I'm just sorrowful. In the very few memories I have left, you were so wonderful, so protective of me. And me? I can't even remember what I've ever done for you. Just now—just moments ago, when you said you wanted to send me to a safe place alone—I was terrified. I didn't want you to leave, yet I was afraid you would look down on me. But the more I wanted you, the more terrified I became. Do you know that?" He looked at her, a flash of vulnerability crossing his eyes before he instantly armored himself once more. There were still tears in his eyes, but his expression had already turned cold, and he spoke all those words as if talking about an unrelated stranger.

"I—call me selfish, call me a poor excuse for a man. When I didn't answer you just now, I was simply thinking that if I could use this broken body of mine to trade for your staying, then I would be willing to stop at nothing to keep you here. I am despicable, aren't I?" He laughed coldly at himself, as if determined to expose all the filth deep within his soul at once. In questioning her, he was also indulging in self-loathing.

Listening to his words, Gu Xinyao was stunned at first, and then a wave of wild ecstasy surged within her heart. He still depended on her; therefore, he would not leave her side.

"No, you are not despicable at all. You are pure, truly! No matter what outsiders have done to you, in my heart, you are spotless." Gu Xinyao took several rapid strides to the bedside and pulled him straight into her embrace. She had thought he had fully returned to normal, only to realize he had merely recovered a tiny fraction. Yet even this tiny fraction was enough—enough for her to understand the profound insecurity, grievance, and timidity buried deep within his heart.

Nestled in Gu Xinyao's arms, Dugu Yi felt the chill throughout his entire body vanish completely—a bone-deep coldness he had never truly experienced so thoroughly and deeply before.

"You are my angel, my sunshine." Gu Xinyao held him, speaking in gentle, tender whispers. She had never said such words to a man in her entire life. In the past, she might have found such phrasing far too cheesy, but at this very moment, she felt these were the exact words welling up from the depths of her heart that she wanted to say to him.

He bit his lip, trying his hardest to suppress any sobbing sound, yet the moment she folded him into her embrace, his tears broke through the floodgates.

Low, husky singing drifted over at that moment. Though slightly hoarse, the emotion conveyed was sincere and beautiful. Gradually, Dugu Yi forgot his heartbreak and lay quietly in her arms, listening to that love song from a bygone era, originating from a distant time.

Gu Xinyao sang the song over and over again. The lyrics were the theme song of some television drama from the distant past; the characters in that drama might not have achieved the perfection sung of in the song, and the ending might not have been a joyous reunion, yet this song perfectly expressed her lack of regret at being able to accompany him through this lifetime.

"Intoxicated with you in the present moment... do not wait until hair turns white in idle regret to feel remorse..." A soft, clear male voice joined in, adding a slightly bouncy feel to the melody while pushing the song almost to its emotional peak.

"Sob, sob, sob..."

As the singing drew to a close, Gu Xinyao's sharp ears caught the sound of low weeping coming from outside the door. She patted Dugu Yi gently, motioning for him to sit back against the headboard, and walked over to the door, pulling it open abruptly.

To her utter amusement, the one weeping so bitterly was Ah Fei, who usually projected such a tough exterior. He was covering his face, lost in some sorrowful thought, crying his eyes out.

"Big Brother Ah Fei, won't you come inside?" Standing out here and weeping like this might make anyone passing by think something terrible had happened.

Ah Fei sniffled as he stepped into the room, sitting down on the edge of the bed and continuing to cry without stopping.

His sudden appearance completely banished Dugu Yi's original sorrow to the ends of the earth, leaving him simply staring blankly as Ah Fei cried.

Gu Xinyao stood by the door, unsure whether to step forward or retreat.

After who knows how long, Ah Fei finally stopped crying. When he lifted his face, his eyes were swollen like walnuts. His originally decent looks were completely transformed into the lovable appearance of a giant panda due to those massive, puffy eyelids.

Gu Xinyao wanted to laugh, but she could only force herself to hold it in, waiting for him to speak.