14 Guilt
Since entering middle school, Lu Yu hadn’t won any awards. Back in kindergarten, he had received the “Most Obedient Baby” award at summer camp, and before third grade, he occasionally earned such accolades. But gradually, he realized they held no real meaning.
When he proudly handed a certificate to Zhuang Ningyue, her only response was, “What use is this?”
“...” Lu Yu’s fingers trembled, unable to hold back tears, just as he couldn’t contain the ache in his heart.
Glass shards scattered everywhere, with Lu Yu standing amid them, his raised foot unsure where to land.
After finally stifling his tears, he sobbed quietly and picked up his phone, opening WeChat to send a message to Song Jianli.
[Picture]
“Jian Ge, I accidentally broke the trophy.”
The reply came instantly:
“Are you hurt?”
“Let me see your foot.”
Holding his phone, Lu Yu’s tears flowed again uncontrollably, blurring his vision. He thought he wouldn’t cry anymore, but whenever he chatted with Song Jianli, the tears would come.
“San San?”
“Pick up the call.”
Before Lu Yu could reply, Song Jianli placed a video call. He saw his own red, swollen eyes and disheveled hair on the screen and quickly averted the phone before answering.
“San San, are you hurt?” On the other side, Song Jianli could only see Lu Yu’s room and furrowed his brow, sensing something was amiss.
Lu Yu choked back a sob and made a strange “mm” sound.
Silence followed.
“San San, I want to see you,” Song Jianli said, sensing the unease quickly.
Lu Yu muttered, “I don’t want to.”
A soft sigh came through the phone.
“San San, aren’t you in your room? If you don’t want to show your face, I won’t force you.” Song Jianli noticed the background didn’t match Lu Yu’s usual room, though the belongings were clearly his.
Lu Yu nodded and, realizing he hadn’t placed his face in the camera frame, quietly responded.
“Why not?” Song Jianli asked.
Lu Yu recounted the whole incident. Song Jianli was silent after hearing it.
He could feel his heartbeat slow and a bittersweet ache spreading through his chest.
“Jian Ge, I’m not upset. I’m willing to do this.” Thinking Song Jianli’s silence was due to his giving up the room, Lu Yu anxiously explained.
After a long pause, Song Jianli finally spoke, “San San, why are you crying?”
Lu Yu tightened his grip on the phone, “Not because of that. It’s because I broke our trophy…”
“Have you asked Lu Yu?” Song Jianli suddenly asked an unexpected question.
Lu Yu was confused. “What do you mean, Jian Ge?”
“Have you asked yourself if you’re sad because you broke the trophy, or because your mother made you give up your room for your cousin? Why do you have to be so sensible?” Song Jianli inquired.
This time, Lu Yu was silent. After a long while, he answered hoarsely, “Jian Ge, please don’t say anymore. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Then let me see you,” Song Jianli said.
Since Song Jianli knew Lu Yu was crying, hiding it was pointless. After a moment’s thought, Lu Yu adjusted the camera.
On screen, Song Jianli appeared to be in his own room, evident from the bookshelf filled with awards behind him.
---
As for Lu Yu on screen…
He looked ugly, he thought.
“You’re crying again,” Song Jianli’s voice was hoarse.
Lu Yu tugged at his clothes, “I didn’t want to cry. It’s just that the trophy broke, so I felt like crying.”
“Broken is broken. As long as you’re not hurt, it’s fine.” Seeing Lu Yu reluctant to discuss his mother, Song Jianli avoided that topic.
“This isn’t just my trophy; it’s ours,” Lu Yu said, staring sadly at the shards on the floor.
Watching the tear-filled eyes on the screen, Song Jianli instinctively wanted to wipe them away. Touching the cold glass of the screen, he realized Lu Yu wasn’t beside him.
“It’s okay, the medal’s still with me.” Song Jianli walked to his bookshelf and took down a medal.
He had countless medals, but this one was displayed most prominently.
On screen, Song Jianli swung the round medal back and forth.
“If only I’d left the trophy with you, I was so careless,” Lu Yu said, now holding back his tears. Whenever he spoke to Song Jianli, all his sorrows seemed to fade.
Song Jianli disliked hearing such self-blame and corrected him gently, “You’re not careless. You’re more careful than anyone.”
Lu Yu stared at Song Jianli through the screen, his eyes shining like brilliant stars. A gentle smile spread across Song Jianli’s face.
“Jian Ge, you only know how to comfort me,” Lu Yu said, feeling much better, though the memory of what he had seen and heard still saddened him. But he hid it well on camera.
“Your room has so many things. Doesn’t anyone help you clean?” Song Jianli asked.
Lu Yu explained, “Not many. I can clean it myself.”
“I’ll come help you,” Song Jianli said, standing up to leave.
Lu Yu hurriedly stopped him, “No, no, Jian Ge, please don’t come!”
“I’ll ask the maid to help. You don’t need to trouble yourself,” Lu Yu said anxiously, his tone changing.
Song Jianli raised his eyebrow, “Why?”
“It’s just that I don’t want to bother you…” Lu Yu’s eyes almost burst out of the screen as he lied poorly.
But Song Jianli didn’t call him out and nodded in agreement, “Alright, I’ll listen to you, San San.”
“Okay!” Lu Yu breathed a sigh of relief.
“Clean up the broken glass carefully. Don’t step on it. Let the maid handle it,” Song Jianli reminded.
Lu Yu nodded, “Got it!”
Song Jianli smiled, “Good, San San is the best.”
After a few more words, they hung up. Lu Yu stared at the mess on the floor and lay down on his bed.
Looking at the dazzling chandelier above, he curled up.
Well, it wasn’t that he didn’t want Song Jianli to come over. If his father weren’t home today, he would have agreed immediately.
But just thinking about his father’s attitude towards his relationship with Song Jianli left him at a loss.
He feared his father would tell Song Jianli not to play with him, or that he would corrupt him...
What would he do if Song Jianli really stopped playing with him?
He began to dread meeting Song Jianli’s family.
---
Laughter and noise came from downstairs.
Lu Yu carefully cracked the door open and peeked through the narrow gap.
No wonder it was so lively—Lu Xiangyi and his aunt had arrived.
Zhuang Ningyue immediately gave Lu Xiangyi a big hug.
“Darling, your auntie missed you so much,” she said, cupping his face. “Big sister, look at him—we're so worried about the child preparing for the college entrance exam he’s practically wasted away.”
She described a 180-pound figure as thin.
The aunt handed the gifts to Aunt Hui, while Uncle Liu took two suitcases from Uncle’s hands.
“Thin? He’s gotten fat again,” the aunt pretended to pinch Lu Xiangyi’s ear and said, “He just can’t control himself.”
“How did Lu Yu lose weight back then? In just three months, he looked like a stick.” Though the aunt teased Lu Xiangyi’s weight, her smile was impossible to hide.
Hearing the aunt ask about Lu Yu, Zhuang Ningyue paused, then said, “Who knows? He just lost weight, probably from eating junk food.”
“My Xiangyi likes to eat all sorts of junk too; I can’t keep him in check,” the aunt tried to pinch Lu Xiangyi’s ear again.
Lu Xiangyi hurriedly hid behind Zhuang Ningyue. “Auntie, Auntie!”
“Auntie’s here. Come to me, dear,” Zhuang Ningyue protected Lu Xiangyi.
The downstairs became a lively mess.
“Where’s Linxing?” Lu Xiangyi asked.
Zhuang Ningyue patiently replied, “The driver’s already picking him up. You two brothers will see each other soon.”
There was no trace of authority on her—only a mother’s tender love.
Lu Yu slowly crouched on the floor, quietly watching the laughter below.
Soon, Lu Linxing arrived home, Lu Jinlü finished work, and Lu Chengming came downstairs after a nap.
Everyone chatted in the living room, even the seemingly aloof older brother smiled warmly.
Yet, despite being so close, Lu Yu felt separated by a thick glass window.
Inside was a warm family; outside, he felt like a rat crawling out from the gutter—dark and dirty.
No one liked him.
“Dad, Mom, am I not your own child?”
Lu Yu didn’t cry, having long since grown accustomed. Such scenes had played out countless times over the years—he was always the unimportant one.
---
At dinner, Lu Yu sat beside Lu Jinlü.
He felt awkward around this brother who should have been familiar but now seemed a stranger.
Fortunately, Lu Jinlü didn’t speak to him during the meal, so Lu Yu quietly ate in small bites.
Aunt looked at Lu Yu and couldn’t help but say, “No wonder he’s so thin. I didn’t see him eat any vegetables; he just focused on rice.”
“What’s wrong? Don’t you like the food?” Zhuang Ningyue showed motherly concern.
Lu Yu shook his head. “No, I’m just not very hungry.”
“Thank you for your concern, Aunt,” Lu Yu lifted his head and smiled at her.
Lu Xiangyi scooped some mango pudding and offered it, “Brother Lu Yu, want some pudding?”
Lu Yu put down his bowl and waved him off, “No thanks. I’m allergic to mango. Sorry.”
“Alright, alright. He’s not a child; he can help himself if he wants something,” Lu Chengming waved everyone to focus on eating.
Suddenly, sitting next to Zhuang Ningyue, Lu Linxing grinned and said, “Maybe Second Brother wants to get sick so you’ll feel sorry for him.”
He joked casually, catching Lu Yu’s incredulous gaze, then pouted, “Just kidding, Second Brother. Don’t be mad at me, okay?”
Lu Linxing was very likable, speaking with a harmless, innocent smile.
He had perfectly inherited Zhuang Ningyue’s beautiful eyes—who wouldn’t like him?
Lu Yu chose silence.
“Lu Linxing, this is mealtime,” Lu Jinlü suddenly spoke up.